Llamas
by Suuz112
Summary: Oh gods, the Cullens are being random. Help us.
1. Chapter 1

**I had too much coke.**

**Forgive me.**

Emmett was beaming in the living room, next to Edward and next to Jasper. Bella was lying on the floor watching tv, together with Alice and Esme. Carlisle was in his office, and Rose was looking in some random mirror.. Why is beyond me, the bloody girl doesn't change one flipping bit. Nessie was riding her bike together with Jake, not that Edward knew. Imagine that. HAH. A groan and a moan escaped on both sides of Emmett, and the girls looked over to them. "Sweets, are you okay?" Bella asked her husband, who looked like he was going to vomit. Jasper, though, he looked absolutely mad. "Jazz…" Alice started, but he stopped her by slapping Emmett on the head. After that, Edward hit him on the head. "COULD YOU STOP THAT?" They both yelled, and Emmett whined. "I can't help iiiit!"

Rosalie entered the room, and when her mate saw her, the groans aaaand moans turned harder. "STOP IT, EMMETT!" Edward screamed, now looking even more terrible. Jasper didn't look any better. "I don't understand," Bella said. "What's going on?"

Alice suddenly burst out in laughter, and continued in giggles. Esme seemed to understand, too, because she laughed along. Rosalie did, too. And far away, Carlisle started laughing, too.

"Okay, seriously, what's going on?" Bella said again, and she looked a little irritated now.

"Emmett here, has some rather… disgusting thoughts." Jasper coughed, and moaned again. Emmett rolled his eyes, but still was grinning like a maniac. "Did you know that lamas are really cool?" Everyone groaned louder, as they now got what was going on, and what was going to happen. Emmett started humming. "I feel a sooong coming ooon!"

He hummed louder, and stood up from his seat.

"NOOOO!" Esme screamed, but it's too late already. Because Emmett starts moving around, and does his own little dance, while hitting every single flipping thing that can be hit. For a vampire… Yeah, that is indeed messed up. The elegance can't handle everything. Look at Bella. ("HEY! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" "NOOO, BELLA! YOU'LL GET HUUUUUURT! DON'T MOOOOVE!" Bella falls, and has to pick up her own arm. Her leg has gone missing. Edward is going mad.) Except for that, the others are getting into the song as well.

"here's a llama  
there's a llama  
and another little llama  
fuzzy llama  
funny llama  
llama llama  
duck" Emmett sang, swinging his hips. Esme started clapping her hands, and Carlisle burst into the room,

"llama llama  
cheesecake  
llama  
tablet  
brick  
potato  
llama  
llama llama  
mushroom  
llama  
llama llama  
duck"

The rest was laughing now, but Alice wasn't, and she did a little dance of her own. She broke the couch in three, hit a vase, broke the window and made a hole in the wall next to her. Esme was too busy with snogging Carlisle. Oh gods.

"I was once a treehouse  
i lived in a cake  
but i never saw the way  
the orange slayed the rake  
i was only three years dead  
but it told a tale  
and now listen, little child  
to the safety rail" She sang, her chirpy going so high, she broke another window. "It burns! It burns!" An old lady that just walked by, hehe, screamed, holding her head and falling to the ground. Jasper tried to breakdance, he couldn't, it looked very sad.

"did you ever see a llama  
kiss a llama  
on the llama  
llama's llama  
tastes of llama  
llama llama  
duck"

Edward suddenly yelled, carrying Bella's leg. Everyone looked at him, disgusted, because his voice did sound good, but very … girly.

"I always thought he was gay, before he met Bella." Rosalie murmured to Alice, and they both nodded.

"half a llama  
twice the llama  
not a llama  
farmer  
llama  
llama in a car  
alarm a llama  
llama  
duck" Bella rapped, trying to take her leg from Edward. But he didn't seem to want to (Wow, that was loooong.) give it back! She growled at him, and he let go immediately. She patted him on the head. "Good dog, daaawg." Then she did a piece sign, to show she was A Gangsta Rappah.

Everyone sweatdropped.

Then Renesmee and Jacob burst in, and together with the others they sang;

"is THIS how it's told now?  
is it all so old?  
is it made of lemon juice?  
doorknob  
ankle  
cold  
now my song is getting thin  
i've run out of luck  
time for me to retire now  
and become a duck"

There was a silence.

Then something broke.

Edward read Jacob's mind.

"JACOB! YOU DOG!"

"Dawg." Bella murmured, but shut up, when Edward glared at her.

Jacob ran away, together with Nessie. Nessie poked out her tongue at her dad, waved and took off. "PEACE OUT SUCKAHS!"

**Thank you.**

**I say;**

**Good day.**


	2. Chapter 2

Emmett and Jasper were playing on their X-Box together, once in a while a controller broke, but that was okay. They had a shed full of controllers. Cause Alice was bored a lot.

Esme skipped into the room, with a plate full of cookies. Carlisle looked up from his newspaper. "Honey, not again…" He warned, but she just smiled. "I love baking cookies!"

"You said you couldn't stand the stench, yesterday." Jasper replied, confused.

She glared. He shut up and went back to his game.

"Hiiiiiiiiiii!" Alice suddenly came through the window, and jumped up and down. "Y'know what I like? Y'know what I like? You don't know what I like! Hehe, you really don't! It's a secret, and I'm not going to tell you! Cause I'm cool like that, Yay me!" She squealed, making herself look all blurry because she moved so much.

"She likes puffins." The voice of Edward made her go rigid, and everybody stopped what they were doing. Alice slowly turned around to face him. He shrunk back, seeing her face.

"Oh…Powned." Emmett murmured to Jasper.

"It was a secret, Edward." She whispered, puppy eyed.

Edward shook his head, quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't do this to me!"

"It's too late now." She started laughing, mechanically.

"Powned again." Emmett murmured again to Jasper.

"Not the eyes! Anything BUT the eyes! NOOOOOO." Edward screamed, but she didn't listen.

Her eyes turned into those of a little puppy who looked as if he had been kicked.

Edward fell on the floor, in a deadly faint. Alice pulled him with her into the woods.

There was a silence in the room, before everybody returned to what they were doing.

Rosalie, who just walked in, ran into a wall because she was looking into a mirror.

"Make that wall!" Esme scowled at her, but all she said was; "But I'm PRETTY!"

Bella, who was on her way to ring the doorbell, slipped on the stairs and broke her neck.

The wolves ate her.

Except for Jacob.

Jacob liked seeing Edward get tortured more.

Oh, and Leah. Leah was more the tofu-girl. Oh yeah.

The end.


End file.
